I’ve been seeing an influx of posts on instagram lately of women who feel they need to take a break from all aspects of social media. Whether that break may be a weekend to unplug or a choice to stay off social media all together. I can’t say I blame them as our world has changed so much with the onslaught of different media outlets where we can post about everything we could/can imagine. So the question becomes, where do we draw the line? How much interaction online is appropriate? How much is too much? Should we separate ourselves completely from social media and live a life unplugged? Or should we simply create a separation where social media doesn’t become our whole life? And why has this even become a question?
With all these questions where do we begin to find the answers? Is it merely, for fun, is it solely for work or is it a combination of the two. However, I have to wonder, does the type of presence even matter when feelings come into the mix? I think once feelings become involved the amount of time or followers matters less and less. Someone with one follower or 100,000 followers can be hurt by unkind words, feel pressure to do more, or try to keep appearances a certain way. There have been multiple posts that appear about Instagram vs. Reality. If you haven’t see them, it is usually a side by side picture collage showing a retouched glam photo vs. an unfiltered and unposed version of ourselves. Too often it seems people feel pressured that their photos must be of a certain image or quality to be appreciated because that’s how other people are posting.
It depends on how we look at the situation. If we look at Instagram the way a company looks at their ads we can understand the need and desire for good quality photos depicting whatever that company is trying to sell. We wouldn’t expect a company selling backpacks to post a picture of a worn out knapsack in poorly lit background or an overall fuzzy image. So why are we getting upset when others are simply doing the same. If we take five selfies and one has better quality wouldn’t that likely be the image that we choose to post? This is what we do when choosing photos taken by studio why has it become a problem when it is online and available for anyone to view?
I feel the problem begins with the constant availability to these photos. It’s like a glamour magazine reel going 24/7. It’s not that the images themselves are inherently wrong it’s more that there is just so much of it and it is always there. You can’t leave the magazine on the rack and walk away. This magazine has been invited into our homes and sometimes right into our beds. It’s no wonder that people are beginning to feel an overwhelming pressure to compete and to keep up with others. When it is all around us all the time it’s hard not to become involved. How do you shut something out that you invited in?
That need to compete appears when your photo choice becomes less about how this is a fantastic photo of myself and becomes more about how you don’t look like someone else. It becomes this photo doesn’t look like hers. How does she do that? I can’t look like that, so my photo isn’t all that good. Maybe I shouldn’t post it. Do I have any photos that look like her? How can I look like her? Why don’t I look like her? When did our photos stop becoming about us and start becoming about them? How do we take back our photos?
You can only be the best version of you. You cannot be the best version of someone else. How do we keep ourselves from being sucked into the unyielding vortex of comparison? We have to stop because when we compare ourselves to others we will always find a way that we don’t measure up. Ever overhear a conversation amongst women discussing their bodies and each one has something bad to say about themselves but something good to say about their friends standing there with them. Why is it so easy to see the good in others but so hard to see it in ourselves? The grass is always greener on the other side mentality is not healthy. Someone else is always going to have something better or newer or fancier. If we accept this as a fact and not as a question, I think it can become easier to separate ourselves from the need to compare.
I like to view myself as a fish in the ocean. That I am just one of many. I figure that because there are so many other fish in the ocean that there are probably a lot of fish that think like I do but probably a lot that don’t. There might be some that look like me but many will not. Some might be brighter or flashier or prettier. But that doesn’t make me any less of the fish that I am. My children, picked out a book from the library that we read this week, called “The Blobfish Book.” Olien (2016) describes many interesting creatures that live in the deep parts of the ocean in her book. One of the creatures she writes about is the blobfish that “was once voted the world’s ugliest animal.” Upon hearing this information the blobfish character becomes increasingly upset as he feels he isn’t as good as the other sea creatures. His fellow characters make him feel better by reminding him of the good qualities he possesses rather than focusing on how he isn’t like them. When we reframe our focus back to being how we can only be the best me it is easier to avoid comparison. We wouldn’t tell the blobfish to be a different fish, we wouldn’t tell our children to be any different than they are, so why do we tell ourselves to be someone different. Why do think that our photo, our post needs to look like someone else’s. If the blobfish can only look like the blobfish then can’t we only look like ourselves. I realize that it is a juvenile analogy but I think that’s why it works. Sometimes what we learned in kindergarten really matters. Do your best. And be kind. No one ever told you to go and do someone else’s best because that doesn’t make sense. You need to do your best. You can only be your best you. You are not meant to be anyone else.
To all the women out there feeling pressured to keep up appearances and to measure up: I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you feel that you have to do that. I’m sorry that what once was a fun way to share snippets of your life has become a chore and draining experience. I’m sorry because it shouldn’t have to be that way. We should do better. We can do better. We need to offer encouragement rather than snarky comments. We need to say nothing when we don’t have anything nice to say. We need to be better versions of ourselves so that others do the same. Not to compare but to spread compassion and kindness. We need to remember the blobfish and how his friends rallied with him rather than against him. So that when we need that social media break it is so we can go out to have an adventure instead of using it as way to retreat from social pressure. We need to lessen that pressure because in a ocean full of so many fish it becomes impossible to measure up. Choose to be unapologetically you. Don’t measure. Don’t compare. Just be you.
Thanks for reading!
*References
Olien, J. (2016). The Blobfish Book. New York: HarperCollins.
